The Fog

We got up this morning at 2am and were on the road to Michigan to pick up our truck which broke down last week and was thankfully fixed. As I was taking my turn in driving right after we crossed the Michigan border, the fog became so thick and it was terribly dark. I was nervous. I didn't know the road and I could hardly see. The guys were sawing some logs, so it was just me left to navigate the foggy dark roadway.

Later in the morning, on the way back, I was in the car alone and the guys were in the truck. The sun was so bright and beautiful. We actually drove through an area and witnessed the fog lifting in the sunlight. God's beauty was beyond words.

That fog lifting reminded me of how great God is. It reminded me that earlier this morning, when I was scared and felt alone in the dark that all it took to make those same roads better was the light from the sun which God created. Think about that.... God calls us to be light unto this world. It made me think how am I being light into someone's scary, foggy, dark world?

Thank you, Jesus, for using Your beautiful creations to teach such wonderful life lessons to us. I do not have to fear because God's light will always shine. Some times we may not see it right away, but the sun ALWAYS comes up and darkness ALWAYS fades.

Pebbles and Boulders

Last time I posted, I spoke about the journey ahead. This journey, this road of life is rocky and uneven. Occassionally we stumble upon pebbles in the road. Pebbles that we kick out of our way so that we can continue on the journey. But then we are hit smack in the face of a boulder. Boulders represent very large obstacles that stop us dead in our tracks from continuing on the journey. These boulders have to be attacked and brought down to the size of a pebble that we can kick off the side of the road and continue on.

So many of us find ourselves confronted with this obstacle of the boulder and we are simply worn out from the journey. So we sit down, have ourselves a little pity party and make ourselves believe that the boulder is simply insurmountable. So we give up. Some of us find ourselves weary, yet we step back, take a break and figure out how "we" will accomplish this major task. While still others, sit back, take a break, but ask our Heavenly Father to help us to do what seems to be impossible.

I have found myself in all 3 of those stages in the past couple of months. Wow! There's the boulder, now I'm just going to sit down and feel sorry for myself and try to accept that this is all there is in the journey. Tough mindset to get out of, but then I moved to the "what can I do to change this situation" mode. There I was looking every which way but up to find an answer to this large obstacle in my way of what I think is true happiness on a road that I am really not sure of what's on the other side to begin with. Who was I kidding? I can't do this.......

Then today, YES! TODAY! I heard a song on the radio saying "You raise me up, so I can climb on mountains, You raise me up and calm the stormy sea...." And suddenly I realized that this insurmountable boulder on my life path was placed there for me to see that who I need to rely on is the one and only Jesus Christ! He will raise me up. And you know, the very moment that realization went from my head to my heart, I felt this overwhelming peace. I was in the car when this had happened, and when I got home, that boulder was crumbled into a million pebbles.

Amazing how our God loves us so much, that he will take all of our obstacles and smash them into little pebbles if we but ask. But now I wonder, how often we start to gather the pebbles and build our own mountain that keeps us from being on the path of God's true will for our lives.

It's not about the path I've taken....It's about the journey ahead

Recently, Rob and I decided that it was far beyond time to get healthy. We could see the unhealthy habits we have been teaching our kids (just by example). I mean, I have been waking up at 5 am, going to work, then coming home around 6pm and barely making it through dinner. By 9pm, I was absolutely POOPED!!!!!

We found a wonderful Christian man who loves God, his family, and others. God drives this man in his ministry to teach those of us who have allowed our health to go by the wayside as well as the most fit athletes. I tell you this, he speaks the word of God into our lives through his training sessions.

I am a beautiful creation of God. Three weeks ago, I looked wide eyed at the tasks ahead of me. I went home and started to look behind. I looked at all of the "garbage" I put into my body that was detrimental to my health, well being, my family and ultimately my God. I was at a turning point, do I continue on the path that I was so used to or do I step forward to the journey ahead.

I chose the journey...... By the grace of God, I am now set free! FREE from the anti-depressant medication, FREE from my addiction to coffee, FREE to feel JOY, true JOY in life.

"I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me" Philipians 4:13

We live in such a fast paced society. We want everything now! Our trainer has taught us that physical strength is gained slowly. Three weeks ago, I could barely do one chin up, 5 push ups, and 12 air squats.

Two weeks ago, God placed on my heart the desire to run in a marathon. I have always wanted to run. Always liked to run, but was ALWAYS told that I would not be a good runner. So, I never ran!

Funny how God works, the desire was on my heart to run a marathon and the VERY NEXT DAY
I was approached to run in a relay race for fun with some coworkers. I felt a joy in my heart as I said YES!!!

TODAY!!!! I did 15 air squats, 10 push ups, and 5 chin ups and some other stuff. Then he told me to run 2 laps at the track if I had a chance today. So low and behold, I pass the high school track on the way home. I pulled in. I started running and thought I was going to DIE!!!! The adversary was trying to lie to me again "Quit, Janine, you can't do 2 laps. You are in terrible shape and you may as well quit the marathon too..you'll be laughed at" To this I raised my hands in the air and said out loud "I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME" Just so happens there are 10 words in that passage and I raised my open hands toward heaven with my 10 fingers pointing upward!!!! THIS is the Haines' new cheer.

Ryan and Christian said that if they see me struggling while I'm running, he's gonna give me the two hands raised to heaven so I will remember that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".

What's better...the boys now want to run with me!!

Yep...It's about the JOURNEY ahead!!!!!

Time To Smell the Roses

So I actually took a vacation this past week. By actually take a vacation I mean I did not do ANY business. I didn't check email/voicemail/ponder how I'm going to meet goals...the list goes on. I read a posting from my employer that stated how they feel that it is important for us to take time off without worrying about work. This way we can be refreshed and good as new to continue on in the job. Job, now that is a word that I equate with housework. I love my career. I love helping business owners I just plain and simply am blessed to have a "job" that I enjoy so very much. Sometimes...too much. Which is why I took a GIANT leap backwards and realized that I needed to slow down. Even for just one week.

Crystal leaves in a little over a month. Sure I joke and tease that I'll be happy when the attitude is gone, but truly, I am going to miss her something fierce.

Christian is maturing before my very eyes and I find myself thinking back to the tiny boy who came to live with us 6 years ago. I am blessed to see how far God has brought that child!!!

Ryan, oh Ryan, he surely has his "cuteness" going for him. I watch him take in the world through such innocent eyes.

I found myself wishing that I could go in slow motion this week. Camping in hot and sticky weather. We created memories. GREAT memories.

I had a revelation this week. I have spent more time working for the family God has given me than taking time out to spend with that family. How long Rob and I prayed to be blessed with children and here we are with 3 and I have completely fallen into the cliche of taking them for granted. I would love to say that this revelation has caused me to want to only work 8 hours each day, devote all of my spare moments to them, but the reality of it is, I'm not sure I can make that promise and keep it. I can promise to be more aware of the time my family needs.
I can promise to "smell the roses" with the gifts of those that are close to me.

Bridges

God has given me ample opportunity this past week to really be introspective as to who He wants me to be. Funny how He uses those around us to teach us more and more about ourselves!

Rob had surgery last Friday. He had a heart catherization in which we were expecting at least one stint to be placed in his heart. Now we have learned that fear is not of God, but this surgery, for some reason, had both of us very afraid. We have great fellowship at our church and a lot of Christ Followers for friends who have prayed for and encouraged us through all of Rob's health issues. We had peace last Friday morning as we entered the hospital for the umpteenth time. His cath only lasted maybe 30 minutes and I got the call that he was in great shape. Praise God. God used that experience to teach me that I was walking away from Him and that He is ever present and He stands firm never moving, never changing. He is the Father that when I take my selfishness and repent of it and turn around, His arms are wide open waiting to embrace me and comfort and sooth me. Thank you, God for your patience with me!

We then had some issues with Crystal. No need to elaborate, other than the fact that she is 18 and searching for herself in this great big world. She, is experiencing the same thing I was with Rob and trusting God. Imagine if you will, a canyon with a bridge across it. On one side are us parents and on the other is the child. The bridge can be piece by piece torn down or maybe even burnt. A burnt bridge is hard to cross. But as that bridge is burnt, we, as parents, stay still, waiting for the child to rebuild what they have burnt/torn down. We are patient because we love them. Isn't that like God? God is patient with us because He loves us. We may get mad at him for our circumstances, but when we change our hearts and build that bridge and cross it back to Him...we get to experience that love/patience first hand. Our circumstances may not change, but WE will change. I learned through the circumstances with my Crystal that I need to stand patient and in love waiting for that bridge to be rebuilt. I cannot turn my back and walk away...My Jesus would not do that to me, although I deserve it!

Life is short...I, unfortunately learned that this week as well. I was in one of my branches when the manager came to me asking if I knew a guy from another branch. I said, "Yeah, he is hysterical...always making you laugh". That manager then informed me that he had been killed in a tragic motorcycle accident over the weekend. Did you ever have a moment when you want to say something, but the world just seems to immediately start to spin way too fast and no words can come out of your mouth? That's how I felt. It has been a somber week at work. This, another lesson that life is just the dash between the dates and that bridges are worth rebuilding.

Thank you, Jesus, for allowing me to curl up on Your lap once more. I pray that I never climb down, for I cannot do this life without you:-)

Remembering Fear Is NOT of God

Fear....each and every one of us has felt it. I feel it right now as I type this. It is an almost overwhelming fear. I try to stay calm, yet the fear trickles into the back of my mind and is virtually paralyzing.

On May 4th we found out that Rob has some blockage in his heart and needs to have a heart catherization and stint put in. That surgery is scheduled for Friday morning. Ever since that day, that blasted nagging fear has seeped into my very core without being invited. The strange part is that Rob (we) have been through so many other health issues, so why does this feel so different and fearful?

My throat is constricting as I even think of this...Rob shared with me that he felt "different" this time too. He started telling me about what I need to do with his stuff "just in case". I'm fearful of this because it feels so "different" for me too.

Maybe it is just the simple fact that we have been virtually NORMAL for the last year and a half and now it is a "here we go again" kind of fear....but it even feels different from that. I hate to give the adversary any glory, but I've had horrible thoughts this past week when planning appointments for next week with clients, thinking in the back of my mind that "I'll be there as long as I am not planning a funeral"

I just heard all of you gasp at that last comment......But really, which one of us knows when that day will come when God says it is time to graduate to heaven?

I am not afraid of death, nor is Rob. We both know that with Jesus is the best place to be.

So, for now, we will firmly stand on God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11..."I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. (The Message)

Funny how I read God's word and I feel peace. I have no fear because He has my whole life planned and I have a future filled with HOPE!!!

Thank you for your prayers.

So I'm Human Too......

I'm frustrated. Very, VERY, frustrated. I love my daughter, and yet I can't stand to be around her from time to time. I can't stand the teenage hormones that cause rude, obnoxious, and downright awful things to come out of her mouth. I can't stand the fact that I hear myself sometimes as I am speaking to her or talking to some one else in regards to her and hear the negativity spewing forth like a volcano erupting.

Then I step backward and think of the Mom who would do anything to have the little girl she lost due to a terrible disease be rude, obnoxious and hormonal. I think of the time that I spent praying for God to bless us with children.

So now I ask for all of you to forgive me for my "moments" when my frustration gets the best of me and the negativity is in the forefront. I, after all, am human too.

I love my God, I love my husband, and I love my kids. I do everything I can to live my life according to God's will, but I fall short from that glory because I, after all, am human too. I will say things that may not be right, that may offend, that may hurt and to that I am sorry.

So when you hear/read my words and think how positive they are, and then hear me speak out loud my frustrations, that does not make me a hypocrite, it makes me...HUMAN! I am positive in the fact that God is first in my life and that I will do everything I can to eminate His light on this earth.

And above all: "....forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us"