Saturday, June 19, 2010


God has given me ample opportunity this past week to really be introspective as to who He wants me to be. Funny how He uses those around us to teach us more and more about ourselves!

Rob had surgery last Friday. He had a heart catherization in which we were expecting at least one stint to be placed in his heart. Now we have learned that fear is not of God, but this surgery, for some reason, had both of us very afraid. We have great fellowship at our church and a lot of Christ Followers for friends who have prayed for and encouraged us through all of Rob's health issues. We had peace last Friday morning as we entered the hospital for the umpteenth time. His cath only lasted maybe 30 minutes and I got the call that he was in great shape. Praise God. God used that experience to teach me that I was walking away from Him and that He is ever present and He stands firm never moving, never changing. He is the Father that when I take my selfishness and repent of it and turn around, His arms are wide open waiting to embrace me and comfort and sooth me. Thank you, God for your patience with me!

We then had some issues with Crystal. No need to elaborate, other than the fact that she is 18 and searching for herself in this great big world. She, is experiencing the same thing I was with Rob and trusting God. Imagine if you will, a canyon with a bridge across it. On one side are us parents and on the other is the child. The bridge can be piece by piece torn down or maybe even burnt. A burnt bridge is hard to cross. But as that bridge is burnt, we, as parents, stay still, waiting for the child to rebuild what they have burnt/torn down. We are patient because we love them. Isn't that like God? God is patient with us because He loves us. We may get mad at him for our circumstances, but when we change our hearts and build that bridge and cross it back to Him...we get to experience that love/patience first hand. Our circumstances may not change, but WE will change. I learned through the circumstances with my Crystal that I need to stand patient and in love waiting for that bridge to be rebuilt. I cannot turn my back and walk away...My Jesus would not do that to me, although I deserve it!

Life is short...I, unfortunately learned that this week as well. I was in one of my branches when the manager came to me asking if I knew a guy from another branch. I said, "Yeah, he is hysterical...always making you laugh". That manager then informed me that he had been killed in a tragic motorcycle accident over the weekend. Did you ever have a moment when you want to say something, but the world just seems to immediately start to spin way too fast and no words can come out of your mouth? That's how I felt. It has been a somber week at work. This, another lesson that life is just the dash between the dates and that bridges are worth rebuilding.

Thank you, Jesus, for allowing me to curl up on Your lap once more. I pray that I never climb down, for I cannot do this life without you:-)

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Remembering Fear Is NOT of God

Fear....each and every one of us has felt it. I feel it right now as I type this. It is an almost overwhelming fear. I try to stay calm, yet the fear trickles into the back of my mind and is virtually paralyzing.

On May 4th we found out that Rob has some blockage in his heart and needs to have a heart catherization and stint put in. That surgery is scheduled for Friday morning. Ever since that day, that blasted nagging fear has seeped into my very core without being invited. The strange part is that Rob (we) have been through so many other health issues, so why does this feel so different and fearful?

My throat is constricting as I even think of this...Rob shared with me that he felt "different" this time too. He started telling me about what I need to do with his stuff "just in case". I'm fearful of this because it feels so "different" for me too.

Maybe it is just the simple fact that we have been virtually NORMAL for the last year and a half and now it is a "here we go again" kind of fear....but it even feels different from that. I hate to give the adversary any glory, but I've had horrible thoughts this past week when planning appointments for next week with clients, thinking in the back of my mind that "I'll be there as long as I am not planning a funeral"

I just heard all of you gasp at that last comment......But really, which one of us knows when that day will come when God says it is time to graduate to heaven?

I am not afraid of death, nor is Rob. We both know that with Jesus is the best place to be.

So, for now, we will firmly stand on God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11..."I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. (The Message)

Funny how I read God's word and I feel peace. I have no fear because He has my whole life planned and I have a future filled with HOPE!!!

Thank you for your prayers.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

So I'm Human Too......

I'm frustrated. Very, VERY, frustrated. I love my daughter, and yet I can't stand to be around her from time to time. I can't stand the teenage hormones that cause rude, obnoxious, and downright awful things to come out of her mouth. I can't stand the fact that I hear myself sometimes as I am speaking to her or talking to some one else in regards to her and hear the negativity spewing forth like a volcano erupting.

Then I step backward and think of the Mom who would do anything to have the little girl she lost due to a terrible disease be rude, obnoxious and hormonal. I think of the time that I spent praying for God to bless us with children.

So now I ask for all of you to forgive me for my "moments" when my frustration gets the best of me and the negativity is in the forefront. I, after all, am human too.

I love my God, I love my husband, and I love my kids. I do everything I can to live my life according to God's will, but I fall short from that glory because I, after all, am human too. I will say things that may not be right, that may offend, that may hurt and to that I am sorry.

So when you hear/read my words and think how positive they are, and then hear me speak out loud my frustrations, that does not make me a hypocrite, it makes me...HUMAN! I am positive in the fact that God is first in my life and that I will do everything I can to eminate His light on this earth.

And above all: "....forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us"